Its been a busy couple of weeks. well to be more accurate my days seem to ebb and flow with times of rest and peace and then filled with running errands, work, hanging out with people and playing games. In it all though, I know my life is changing and I'm not just talking about physically which is obviously the case right now but in other ways as well. Let me try and explain without being too...umm mawkish.

Generally when i go through change in my life I have a very hard time. Ask my mom she'll attest to this with a resounding YES. I don't really know exactly why i'm like this...its just me. When I get plunked down into a whirlwind of change I kick and scream (internally) and I want out, I want control and "freedom" from what every is forcing itself upon my unwilling body. I hardly ever went right to the Lord or spent time really reflecting my fears. Lately though, I feel more drawn to getting myself comfortable on our couch and really getting into the Bible and finding comfort there. Yes, I know this is a very simple thing and something I should have been doing more of years ago but hey that's how things go sometimes. Maybe I feel a bigger responsibility knowing that I've got a little baby growing inside of me. One day she'll be asking me questions and looking at my life and I want her to see the truth that I cling to. I'm not a solid person but I want my children to see Christ in me and this is the only way I see that happening.

This is meant as an encouragement to all who read and as a way for me to share my heart. I'm not about spouting out how good I am! We all struggle with what we believe and why. I want to say that through Christ we find our answers we just have to be still long enough to let it happen. At my parents farm house I was reminded of this simple and beautiful truth. My parents have sheep and they have the young ewes down in the pasture near the house. Every day I was there I went down to give the girls crackers. They would get so excited to see me and bahhh and leap up to receive my treats. Only one of the girls, Raven, would eat the crackers and then just hang out with me. The other two were too scared and freaked out to come close to me even though i had just given them all treats. So I would sit down and love on this little black lamb. She let me massage her back and head. She would get so into it that she would sway and start to close her eyes, just letting me love on her. Later that day I thought on how this event was an example of how I approach my God. Sometimes I just take what I want and run off afraid I might get hurt if i get too close or even worse I just don't care and can't be bothered with it. But sometimes like Raven, I get up close and get real still and let the Lord lavish his love on me. The thing i forget sometimes is that he actually enjoys this. It says he DELIGHTS in us! Amazing isn't it?